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<br />1. Reflecting <br /> <br />One way to listen carefully is to ask "reflecting" questions: that is, to <br />reflect back what you are hearing. Repeat, almost verbatim, what <br />you have heard to see if you heard correctly what is being said from <br />the speaker's point of view. <br /> <br />This kind of reflective questioning has the effect of inviting the <br />speaker to clarify or elaborate his concerns and issues. Importantly, <br />this reflecting process demonstrates to the speaker that he or she is ;:J <br />being heard. And when someone is being heard and <br />understood, he or she is less likely to be defensive about <br />their views but, instead, is more likely to listen and be <br />open to your point of view when you explain your <br />perspective. <br /> <br />Examples of reflecting questions are: "So you are saying that. <br />?" "V thO k th t ?" "Y f l' th t ?" <br />. .. LOU m a . . . . au say you are ee mg a.... <br /> <br /> <br />Note that you can also ask the person with whom you are <br />speaking to reflect back what you are saying. "Can you tell <br />me what you heard me say?" This question can break a cycle <br />of accusations and refocus on authentic listening. <br /> <br />2. Paraphrasing <br /> <br /> <br />Paraphrasing is similar to reflecting. Only instead of reflecting back <br />almost verbatim what you are hearing, you reword what you are <br />hearing to begin to make sense of it by putting it in your own words. <br /> <br />Examples of paraphrasing include: "So I hear you saying you are very <br />concerned about. . .." "You are frustrated because. . . . ." It sounds <br />like you are angry because. . . ." <br /> <br />22 <br />