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<br />C. Separate the People from the Problem <br /> <br />Attack the problem not the person. Blame and personal criticism <br />won't persuade the other person to your point of view; they only an- <br />tagonize and polarize. When words are used as weapons to hurt or <br />show up other people, they naturally get defensive. Strategies to at- <br />tack a person are part of making war or participating in some types <br />of contests; they are not part of constructive problem-solving. <br /> <br />D. Focus on Interests and Needs -- both Your Interests and Needs <br />as Well as the Other Person's - and Don't Just Focus on Someone's <br />Stated Position <br /> <br />Positions can become a stonewall to effective communication. Power- <br />ful underlying emotions can be hidden behind the speaker's stated <br />position, emotions that if unresolved will impede problem-solving. <br /> <br />Therefore, try to identify and respond to the issues or interests that <br />lie behind a person's stated position. The active listening skills de- <br />scribed above can help. So, too, can "the five why's." Ask "Why?" as <br />often as practicable to drill down to the practical, emotional, or policy <br />issues underlying someone's stated "position." <br /> <br />E. Look at Consequences and Alternatives <br /> <br />"What will happen if you say 'Yes' to the proposal or initiative before <br />you?" "What will happen if the other person says 'No' to your pro- <br />posal?" We need to think about the consequences of our words and <br />actions. <br /> <br />Some people are so caught up in the details of a complicated situation <br />or in the emotions of the issue, they fail fully to consider what their <br />overriding objective is or what the range of options are for achieving <br />that objective. <br /> <br />23 <br />